Be Kind to Yourself
Real change doesn’t begin with doing more — it starts with how we speak to ourselves, with words that help rather than hurt.
"Real change begins in how we talk to ourselves."
— Inspired by Bernadette Jiwa in The End Of 'Should' (25-04-2025)
Summary:
Inspired by Bernadette Jiwa’s reflection on how we speak to others and ourselves, this quote reveals that meaningful change begins with a kinder, more helpful inner voice — one often shaped by the belief others show in us first.
Explanation
We often hear the advice: be kind to yourself. But kindness isn’t just about rest or self-care — it begins with how we speak to ourselves, especially when no one else is listening.
Bernadette’s inspired paraphrased quote, "Real change begins in how we talk to ourselves," reminds us that the tone of our inner voice matters just as much as the actions we take. Her reflection begins with how we speak to others — particularly when offering advice or support — and then gently turns inward, asking us to notice the language we use with ourselves. Do we speak with understanding and encouragement, or with pressure and judgement?
But there’s another part to this journey that’s just as important. Kind, supportive self-talk often doesn’t appear on its own — it grows from the belief others have in us. Sometimes, it’s the people who care for us, coach us, or walk beside us who say the words we haven’t yet learned to say to ourselves: “I believe in you.”
With time and experience — and enough of those moments — something starts to shift. We begin to hear those words in our own voice. We start saying things like yes, I can do that. We look for reasons why we can, instead of reasons why we can’t. And when doubt asks “why?”, we learn to answer, why not?
That’s when change really begins — not just in what we do, but in how we see ourselves. And it starts with a few small words, spoken from someone else, then carried forward in our own minds. Words like “I believe in you.” Words that become part of how we move forward — gently, honestly, and with growing confidence.
About Bernadette Jiwa
Bernadette Jiwa believes that storytelling is our most persuasive technology — and that we should use it for good. She helps people harness the power of everyday storytelling to influence, connect, and inspire. The author of eight best-selling books, her work focuses on how the stories we tell — to others and to ourselves — shape the way we lead, relate, and live. In The End Of 'Should', she offers a quiet but powerful reminder that real change starts with the words we choose, especially when we’re talking to ourselves.
After Afterthought
“My happiness is slowly creeping back now you’re at home.”
— Powderfinger, “My Happiness” (One Night Lonely, 2020)
Sometimes, all it takes is the return of a quiet voice — one that says, you belong here, you’re doing fine, I believe in you — to bring us back to ourselves.
“My Happiness” is one of Powderfinger’s most loved tracks. Released in 2000 and performed again during their 2020 One Night Lonely livestream, the song captures that quiet return of something long missed — whether it’s a person, a place, or the feeling of being yourself again. In the context of this reflection, “home” becomes that inner space where self-belief quietly returns, and happiness slowly follows.
About Powderfinger:
Powderfinger are one of Australia’s most iconic rock bands, formed in Brisbane in the late 1980s and fronted by Bernard Fanning. Known for their melodic rock sound and thoughtful lyrics, they rose to national prominence in the 1990s and 2000s. Their 2000 album Odyssey Number Five, featuring My Happiness, won multiple ARIA Awards and helped define an era in Australian music. After disbanding in 2010, they reunited for a one-off livestream performance in 2020 — One Night Lonely — raising funds for mental health and music industry support during the COVID-19 lockdowns.